A great communication tool (Part Two)

Here’s a handy toolkit of clarifying questions we can use when conversations start to heat up.

They’re short, neutral, and designed to slow things down, invite reflection, and keep the dialogue both civil and constructive: 

• “What do you mean by that?” This signals curiosity, not confrontation. Helps the other person unpack their words. 
• “Can you tell me more about how you see it?” Opens space for explanation, shows we’re listening. 
• “Why is this important to you?” It moves the focus from the argument to underlying values or concerns. 
• “I’m not sure I understand — could you explain differently?” This one buys time, lowers tension, and invites rephrasing. 
• “What outcome would feel fair to you?” This response shifts from conflict to problem solving. 
• “How does this situation affect you personally?” One to humanizes the issue, making it less abstract and more empathetic. 

Again, tone matters a lot: Ask calmly, not sarcastically. Timing matters: Use this questioning technique right when we feel the conversation tipping toward escalation. Follow‑up matters: After asking, listen actively and never, never rush to counter. 

Think of these tips as conversational “pressure valves.” They don’t end disagreements, but they keep them from exploding. To conclude, here’s a simple step‑by‑step “flow” we can use in real time when a conversation starts to get tense. Think of it as a de‑escalation sequence we can run through: 

1. Pause and breathe. Before responding, take a beat. Even a 2‑second pause can reset the tone. 
2. Clarify gently. Use a neutral question: “What do you mean by that?” This slows the pace and signals curiosity instead of confrontation. 
3. Explore feelings Invite them to share: “Why does this feel important to you?” This shifts the focus from the argument to underlying values. 
4. Reflect back Paraphrase what you heard: “So you’re saying you feel overlooked?” Reflection shows you’re listening, even if you disagree. 
5. Redirect to solutions Ask: “What outcome would feel fair to you?” This moves the conversation from conflict to problem solving. 
6. Close with respect End with a calm statement: “I appreciate you explaining that — let’s see how we can work on it.” 

This shows us a fabulous alternative to Trump’s insulting technique as it reinforces dignity while always keeping the door open. Now you’ve got all the tools from the toolbox that are needed to try this method. Good luck!

A great communication tool (Part One)

Here’s a great strategy to stop most disagreements by asking simple questions like: “What do you mean?”, “Why do you feel that way?”, “I don’t quite understand?”, etc. When there is tension and whether it is perceived or real, very little can take a conversation south and take it into a very intense and combative exchange. Some questions are meant to “push someone’s button” or provoke, either accidentally or through some existing stress or a deliberate mean streak.

It seems to me that responding by asking a question that seek to clarify or perhaps buy some time is a good strategy. Indeed, those clarifying questions can be a surprisingly powerful tool in tense conversations and here is why they work. First, they slow the pace when emotions run high, as people often speak faster and more forcefully. 

A simple “What do you mean?” forces a pause, giving both sides a moment to breathe. They also shift the focus, so instead of counter‑attacking or defending, we’re inviting the other person to explain themselves. That moves the dynamic from confrontation to exploration. In addition, they can help validate without agreeing. Indeed when we ask “Why do you feel that way?” we show that we’re listening, even if we don’t share the view. That recognition alone helps defuse any hostility. 

As suggested above, these questions also buy us time. For instance, “I don’t quite understand” is a gentle way of saying: I need a moment before I respond. It prevents knee‑jerk reactions that often escalate a conflict. Finally, they expose intent if people are deliberately trying to provoke as the clarifying question reveals that we detected the provocative intent and diffused it skillfully. 

In communication theory, this approach is called active listening / defensive questioning. It’s a way of turning potential arguments into dialogue. One of the keys is tone: the same words can sound curious or sarcastic depending on their delivery. While this smart strategy doesn’t guarantee agreement, it can often prevents conversations from degenerating and keeps them in a space where mutual respect remains possible. 

In the next blog we review a toolkit of questions for specific situations, so please stay tuned...

What’s this cloud?

On two occasions, I’ve observed these particular clouds, first when we drove to California late April, and this morning as we were out on our morning walk. 

At first, I thought it was a cirrus cloud, but cirrus clouds are detached clouds in the form of white, delicate filaments, mostly in patches or narrow bands. They may have a fibrous, hair-like, and sometimes silky sheen appearance. 

Since I don’t know much about clouds, I had to do some research and found out that based on the distinct smooth, lens-like, and somewhat aerodynamic shape of that cloud, it was a lenticular cloud (technically classified as Altocumulus lenticularis). These clouds are famous for looking like flying saucers, pancakes, or lenses. 

The one I photographed has incredibly clean, smooth edges, which happens when the air is moving in a stable, consistent flow (that day was quite windy). The lenticular clouds typically form when moist air is forced upward over a mountain range or large hill. As the air drops back down, a standing wave is created on the downwind side of the mountain (similar to water rippling over a pebble in a stream). 

If the temperature at the crest of the wave drops to the dew point, the moisture condenses into this beautiful, stationary cloud. Even though the cloud looks like it's just sitting there perfectly still, air is actually constantly flowing through it, in fact, condensing into a cloud as it hits the peak of the wave and evaporating as it moves down the other side. 

​These clouds are a favorite for photographers, but pilots generally give them a wide berth because they indicate strong, bumpy turbulence hiding in the upper atmosphere.

A special graduation

This past Friday, our grandson Finn graduated from high school and for us it was the third time we attended such an event following our two children’s in the late 80s and early 90s. For people coming from Europe, like us, the event was unique because it combines medieval academic rituals with modern cultural celebration, turning a school milestone into a major public rite of passage. 

Unlike what doesn’t happen in most countries, a high school graduation is treated as a large-scale community event with distinctive symbols, music, and personal expression. It’s often held in large venues (stadiums, auditoriums) with hundreds or even thousands of attendees and treated like a once-in-a-lifetime public ceremony, not just an administrative step. 

Students wear caps and gowns (mortarboards and robes), a tradition borrowed from medieval European universities but rarely used for secondary school in other countries. The tassel turning (right to left) and cap tossing are iconic rituals symbolizing the transition from student to graduate. The processional is often accompanied by “Pomp and Circumstance”, a piece that became a uniquely American graduation anthem after Yale adopted it in 1905. 

At that point, diplomas are handed out individually on stage, with each student’s name announced — emphasizing personal recognition. Finally there are the speeches delivered by valedictorians, salutatorians, principals, and guest speakers. These addresses are generally inspirational, often touching on broader social issues (justice, climate, identity). This transforms the graduation into a platform for civic dialogue, not just a school event. 

After the ceremony, families often host graduation parties, or like we did enjoy a good meal at the graduate’s favorite restaurant. sometimes with cultural themes, food, and music. By contrast, in much of Europe, finishing secondary school is acknowledged with exam results or certificates, but no formal ceremony. 

The North American model elevates graduation into a cultural milestone, blending academic tradition, civic ritual, and personal celebration in a way that is rare elsewhere.

Arrogance and bad judgement

My town of Park City is slightly under 9,000 people strong, so we have one elected mayor and five city council members. 

Last week, this fine group of people decided to vote themselves a big raise in salary, a move quite legal as under Utah law and Park City’s municipal code, the mayor and city council are legally authorized to vote on their own compensation, provided the process follows open‑meeting and budget‑approval requirements, which it did.

That vote to more than double the salaries of Park City’s elected officials has been deeply troubling to me. Mayor Ryan Dickey’s annual compensation will jumped from $55,209 to $116,666, while councilors’ pays rose from $28,520 to $58,333. 

These figures place Park City far above peer ski towns and even larger cities like Phoenix and Dallas, where mayors earn less despite far greater responsibilities. What makes this decision worse is the timing. Only months into their terms, the majority chose to enrich themselves rather than wait until the next election cycle. 

This erodes public trust and creates the appearance of self‑dealing. Only one councilor, Bill Ciraco (left on the photo), dissented, reminding us that public service is meant to be service, not a full‑time career with executive‑level pay. Arrogance might be tolerated. Bad judgment might be forgiven. 

But arrogance combined with bad judgment is a dangerous mix. Parkites should remember this vote when the next election arrives. Accountability is the only antidote.

Trump’s mental decline

After watching the aftermath of the US-Israeli war against Iran, it has become quite clear to me that Trump bit more than he could chew by attacking the Iranian and had absolutely no clue what his move would entail. 

Now, he found himself stuck with having discovered that the Iranian rulers could mess up the global oil and gas supply, considering they had won the conflict and remained much more resilient than his white-supremacist view had led him to believe.

Further, he’s also caught with what to do with a large supply of enriched uranium that he said has “buried” during his first bombing, but no one is certain about its exact current location. Finally he’s been zigzagging so much about the state of negotiation with Iran. that he’s now lost any credibility he never had to start with. 

 

To me, this erratic reasoning is a clear indication of Trump’s mental decline and it now makes him a dangerous individual on account of the US nuclear arsenal that is left at his fingertips.

A resurrected 2cv?

After reminiscing about my 2cv years, a former schoolmate and a friend teased me with the news that an EV version of my beloved car from yesteryear might be coming back, at least in Europe! I checked, and the rumor seemed true as Citroën’s CEO Thierry Koskas had recently hinted at the return of the minimalist car, citing the model's global recognition as a marketing advantage not to be missed. 

This move that stands as a reversal in Citroën's position appears to have been prompted by the remarkable success of the retro-inspired Renault 5 electric hatchback. The R5 has become an immediate hit in France, with nearly 10,000 units sold in its first full month on sale, showing strong market demand for affordable electric vehicles with nostalgic appeal.

According to automotive sources, the electric 2cv is expected to more closely mirror its classic counterpart's distinctive design by borrowing several design cues from the original 2cv, including its distinctive headlights and vent-like indentations across the wings. 

While the original 2cv was designed as the minimum viable product required to bring mobility to rural post-war France, this ethos of simplicity and affordability will be central to the new model's development, particularly relevant as rising EV prices have pushed electric mobility beyond the reach of many buyers. 

To achieve competitive pricing, the new 2cv would likely use Stellantis's cost-cutting Smart Car platform, which currently underpins the ë-C3, Fiat Grande Panda, and Vauxhall Frontera. Its electric power-train is expected to prioritize efficiency over performance, enabling the use of a smaller, more affordable battery pack. 

While no official launch date has been announced, industry analysts think a typical four-year development cycle would put the electric 2cv on track for a 2028 debut -coinciding with the 80th anniversary of the original car's unveiling at the Paris motor show. We’ll see...