Pushing myself? It depends...

I think I love sports, but I hate having to push myself when I'm in a group. In many ways, that's why I don't enjoy competitions, whether it's running, riding a biking or hiking a peak. What is certainly true is that I never was good nor enjoyed participating in team sports. In that respect, call me a loner if your want. In the context of a group effort, fear that I will have to go all the way, bleed myself out of all energy and perhaps die in the process.

What is certain, is that I prefer sports in my private sphere, on my own and on my own terms. I decide and control the pace. If I need or want to push myself, I'll do it, but won't accept to be asked or pushed into a competitive display of physical force. I'm certainly capable of pushing my own limits, but I like to do it when I'm the only one watching. Why is this? I can't really explain. Fear of failure or admission of weakness in front of others? Quite possible and now that I know it, I guess I can live with it!