Jesus and a hot planet

I used to communicate with Jesus through Skype, but since this service is closed, we’ve both switched to WhatsApp. A week ago, as Europe was under an unseasonable heat wave, we talked about global warming. The conversation went like this: 

Go 11: Hi, Jesus! How are things upstairs? 

Jesus: Not bad, we’re trying to cool France and England at the moment… 

Go 11: As I tell my countrymen, that early heatwave is good training for the time they get to Hell 

Jesus: You might be kidding, but we have the same cooling problem in Heaven. The facilities are very old. Poor insulation, leaks everywhere with the heat that seeps from downstairs. It’s becoming a problem there too… 

Go 11: What are your plans for earth warming in the future? 

Jesus: We’ll probably relocate part of the population to another planet. I mean the Evangelists. I was thinking of sucking them up with a big hose over another spot… 

Go 11: You meant like the rapture? 

Jesus: That’s exactly the idea… 

Go 11: What do you do with the rest? 

Jesus: You mean the other seven and a half billion? 

Go 11: Yeah, if you say so… 

Jesus: We’ll let them roast and use them for fertilizing planet Earth 2.0 

Go 11: And you’ll let the creation start again? 

Jesus: Not quite like the first time, we’d do it the Charles Darwin way, it’s more credible 

Go 11: What about the Evangelists, then? 

Jesus: We’ll suck them over to Mars and let them fight out with Elon Musk, that might bring some good entertainment value!