Do we have three lives?

We recently saw the recent biopic ” Joan Baez, I am a noise”, a very good documentary about the life and torments of the famous singer in which she’s heard introducing the concept of three distinct lives: Public, private and secret. 

This concept, often attributed to Gabriel García Márquez, was new to me as I knew about the two first lives, but thought that the “secrets” could fit in our private realm, when after thinking it over, it makes perfectly sense to be given a compartment of its own. This compelling idea reflects the complexities of our human existence. While it might not be a scientifically established fact, it can resonate with many people's experiences. 

Our public life is the image we show to the world. It's in fact how we interact with colleagues, acquaintances, and the broader community. It incorporates our professional activities, our social interactions, and the image we project, the whole being often shaped by social expectations and our desire to maintain a certain reputation. 

Our private life is the one shared with our loved ones, our family and to a certain extent, some of our friends. It’s the place where we’re seen as more authentic and vulnerable, and where we’ve got the opportunity to share our true thoughts and feelings. It’s in fact a reflection of our intimate relationships, personal values, and home life. 

As to our secret life, it is kept hidden from others, and sometimes even from ourselves. It’s a mixed bag of our deepest desires, fears, fantasies, and hidden aspects of our personality. It may involve thoughts, behaviors, or experiences that we might feel ashamed of or that we believe would be judged by others. This resonates with the different "masks" we can wear in different social situations to fit in or to protect ourselves.

We’re all complex and multifaceted, with different sides to our personalities, and we may not always express them all openly. In addition, a “secret life” gives us a sense of privacy and boundaries. We have a right to keep certain aspects of our lives, like certain thoughts, feelings, and fantasies that are a significant part of who we truly are, and can be kept private if we so desire. 

Sure, the boundaries between our "lives" are not always clear-cut. They can shift and change depending on the context and our relationships. Likewise, accepting all aspects of ourselves, including our "secret" selves, is essential for self-acceptance and personal growth as long as our “secret life” doesn’t involve harmful behavior. 

Without making a trite play on words, I certainly can “live” with my three lives to make enough room for the different aspects of my identity and figure out how we navigate our complicated social world!

Gallup’s happiness ranking (Part 2)

The study measured the following of seven categories: 

• GDP per capita is in terms of Purchasing Power Parity (PPP) adjusted to constant 2021 international dollars, taken from the World Development Indicators (WDI) by the World Bank 
• The time series for healthy life expectancy at birth are constructed based among others, on data from the World Health Organization (WHO) 
• Social support is the national average of the responses to the Gallup World Poll (GWP) question “If you were in trouble, do you have relatives or friends you can count on to help you whenever you need them, or not?” 
• Freedom to make life choices is the national average of responses to the GWP question “Are you satisfied or dissatisfied with your freedom to choose what you do with your life?” 
• Generosity is the residual from regressing the national average of GWP responses to the donation question “Have you donated money to a charity in the past month?” on log GDP per capita. 
• Perceptions of corruption is the average of answers to two GWP questions: “Is corruption widespread throughout the government or not?” and “Is corruption widespread within businesses or not?” Where data for government corruption are missing, the perception of business corruption is used as the overall corruption-perception measure. 
• Dystopia is kind of confusing as it stands for a hypothetical country, so named because it has values equal to the world’s lowest national averages for 2022–2024 for each of the six key variables

Following most northern Europe, Australia, New Zealand and Canada, what’s amazing is that the United States only ranked 24th, just after the UK, and this before the chaotic new Trump regime! 

France got a dismal 33rd spot, just before Singapore, while Spain and Italy got respectively 38th and 40th. Japan was just 55th. Russia is only 66th, Greece 81st, most African countries are at the end of the ranking that has Afghanistan dead last. 

 

You now have enough information to select your next country of residence, if you’re up for it!

Gallup’s happiness ranking...

The recent Gallup poll ranking world countries by their happiness level, reminded me about the Happiness Equation that goes as follows: “Happiness = Reality minus Expectations.” This would mean that the top ranking, or happiest nations on earth either manage their expectations very well or get much more than they expect out of their day-to-day lives. 

At any rate, the 2024 World Happiness Report, a partnership among Gallup, the Oxford Wellbeing Research Centre, the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network and the World Happiness Report's Editorial Board, has become a key resource for seeing how happiness in policy making are doing in the various world countries and how our politicians are true to what they represent. 

The report assesses the current state of happiness around the world and explores how happiness can vary on a global and national scale. The 2025 edition focuses on the effect that caring and sharing have on people's happiness, much more than the trite equation I was mentioning earlier, as caring and sharing are too often forgotten values in the crazy world we live in. 

Tomorrow, we ‘ll try to analyze the results, so for now, just be aware that Finland was #1 and Afghanistan, dead last.

Don’t miss “The taste of things!”

During her recent visit in Park City, our daughter suggested we watched “The Taste of Things” (La Passion de Dodin Bouffant, in French), based on the 1924 eponymous novel by Swiss author Marcel Rouff, a historical romantic drama movie written and directed by Trần Anh Hùng starring Juliette Binoche and Benoît Magimel. 

The story set in 1889, depicts a romance between a cook and the gourmet who employs her. The film premiered at the 2023 Cannes Film Festival, and was selected to compete for the Palme d'Or in its main competition section, where Tran Anh Hung won the Best Director award. 

I loved the movie because of its cinematography, its composition and its positive tone, a wonderful break from the nefarious political chaos we’re currently served by Trump and his sycophants. If you haven’t seen this jewel of a film yet, stream it, rent it, but at any rate watch it now! 

Managing anger…

If current politics make you angry, you’re probably paying attention and please be reassured, you’re not alone. I, too, feel exactly the same. This said, how can we best manage that kind of anger and don’t let it poison our lives? Obviously, this kind of anger is a common and valid reaction, especially when we feel passionately about the issues at hand.

A proper way to manage anger, is to channel it into something constructive rather than letting it consume us. To begin, let’s take a moment to identify what’s triggering it. In the political realm, is it a particular policy, a leader's actions, the state of discourse or how it lines up with our values? If we can pinpoint the root cause of that anger that will go a long way in helping us focus our energy. 

Since I’m a fighter, I’m motivated to channel my frustration into action. I develop a creative, concise but impact-full message and use it to write or voice my position to my political representatives. More importantly, I ask my friends to do the same. When I do, I make sure to communicate assertively and respectfully rather than aggressively (my instinctual response). 

Since over-consuming political news will make my anger worse, I set limits for how much time I spend reading or watching political news. By all means, what’s critical is to learn how to identify all new sources that get to me! When I happen to share my thoughts with like-minded individuals or even those holding differing views, I try to aim for understanding rather than confronting. 

Constructive conversations and especially asking pointed questions can be enlightening, is what works best and is less emotionally draining. Finally, I focus on what I can control. Because so much is out of our hands, I concentrate on the areas where I can make a difference, whether it’s in my community or in my personal life.

Am I convincing you? (part 2)

Between factual correctness and emotional appeal, how can we hone our convincing skills? What can bridge these two? Perhaps focusing on blending the strength of ideas with an engaging style can do the trick? Let’s explore these options in order to effectively convince others. The most convincing traits in individuals often revolve around qualities that inspire trust, admiration, and respect. 

To fuel them, the person able to convince needs three key ingredients: Passion. Enthusiasm & Belief. These are also found in Charisma, that intangible charm or magnetism top salespeople (and persuaders exude).

It's often a blend of good communication, warmth, and energy. Being authentic also adds to that impression, as well as a touch of empathy and a display of self-confidence. Of course, if you’re the antithesis of Trump and his allies you want to add integrity to the package: Living by strong moral principles builds credibility. 

People who consistently act with honesty and fairness are hard not to trust. Then there are other traits that will further add to one’s ability to convince, like the strength to bounce back from adversity as well as the openness to new ideas and the ability to navigate change smoothly when the going gets rough and a never-ending eagerness to learn and understand, looking at the bright side of things however small, can be very motivating to others. 

Do any of these resonate with you and motivate you to sell others on your good ideas? If the answer is “Yes”, time to go for it!

Am I convincing you?

Often, I do my best to be convincing when I have to, and I place all of my focus into the subjects or the ideas I want to promote to others or defend when they’re being attacked. Yet, after thinking about it, convincing is more a matter of style and approach than it is about rightfulness of the element I’m promoting. 

In other words, I’m far too technical, when I should pay attention to the emotional angles of the issues. This raises a fascinating but counter-intuitive point, as being convincing often does rely more on how we present our ideas than on the inherent correctness or righteousness of them. This is because persuasion operates much more on emotional than logical levels.

While truth or rightness may appeal to logic, human connections, biases, and perceptions often respond more strongly to style, tone, and delivery. One way to explain this is to compare someone presenting an idea with confidence, empathy, and clarity that comes across as more credible, even with highly questionable arguments as we see it all the time with politicians. 

Conversely, a perfectly valid point might fall apart if it’s delivered in a hesitant or disorganized way. This doesn’t diminish the importance of promoting truthful, meaningful ideas—on the contrary, it shows how vital it is to pair substance with an attractive approach. 

Tomorrow, we’ll explore how we can achieve that…