Go11: Hello Jesus! So no “rapture” yesterday?
Jesus: Nope. I actually heard about that news, last night on the internet, well after it was supposed to happen. To be frank, I had even never heard of Harold Camping!
Go11: I wasn't under the spell either; I went skiing in Snowbird and at one time, an avalanche roared down in Alta and I thought it was it!
Jesus: Don't worry, we won't do the “rapture” thing! It would be energy-inefficient to lift up all these people into heaven. We're into sustainable operations these days. We'd make sure they die first, then we'd transfer their souls electronically into heaven. That's quick, easy and no one gets hurt!
Go11: So was the rapture story in the bible untrue?
Jesus: I wouldn't say that, but we need to keep up with times and be responsible citizens.
Go11: Just between you and me, and while I have you on the line, can you tell me when the end of the world is scheduled, if you can of course?
Jesus: Frankly, we haven't the foggiest idea. That's a big project and we need first to make up room for all these new guests. I don't see it before the next couple of centuries, well after the world population stabilizes at around 18 billion or so. At that point, we may simplify the program and get everyone in, not just 2 or 3 percent. Besides, that "trial and tribulation" exercise is far too much work!
Go11: Good, I feel much better. Have a good day Jesus!
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