Faith and my Catholic upbringing

I've always wondered about the mystery of religious faith and how it happens to people. I don't think it's a natural gift that humans are endowed with, but rather a social notion that is implanted into people so they behave according to their prevailing culture.

I was exposed to faith through my mother and the religious education I received at my Catholic parish, and both sources drove it inside me more through fear than pleasant desire. Since it wasn't attractive or fun in any way, it couldn't last. It never provided me with an enjoyable and comfortable place to be, and my religious faith ended up to be more repulsive than attractive.

It is said that more flies are caught by honey than by vinegar, and once again, the parallel is true with religious faith. Fear of hell was what drove me to religion, not heavenly or Godly love, and that left no nurturing ground for my developing faith, a fatal pedagogical mistake.

Fear of hell mixed with confusing messages about sexuality, not to mention a far-fetched doctrine, couldn't stand the test of my growing up into a critical thinking adult, and explained why faith couldn't take roots inside me.