Getting rid of grudge (Part three)

Eradicating resentment and grudges from our lives, gives us greater peace of mind, less mental replaying of old events and just better relationships. All the resentment that we may harbor toward one person often spills into interactions with others. 

Releasing it makes us more open, patient, and generous. In addition, we become less vulnerable to having old wounds constantly reopened. Many people eventually quickly come to realize that those who harmed them were themselves driven by fear, ignorance, insecurity, or suffering. Understanding does not excuse behavior, but it can soften hatred. 

The stronger sense of freedom that comes with letting go, is perhaps the greatest benefit. Freedom is not simply being able to do what we want. It’s also being free from compulsions that enslave our inner life and resentment is precisely one of them. 

I’m not saying that there are situations where anger serves an important purpose. If someone is being abused, exploited, or mistreated, anger can signal that boundaries need to be established. Prematurely trying to "forgive and forget" can sometimes suppress legitimate needs for protection, accountability, or justice. I personally don’t believe that an immoral and outlaw person like Trump has to be forgiven before he pays for what he’s done. 

The healthiest sequence is often to recognize the injury, feel the emotions honestly and learn whatever lessons are necessary. What’s required is to establish appropriate boundaries, then release the resentment. This is where I find the process of forgiveness directly connected to my practice of meditation. I feel gratitude, appreciation for those who shaped my life. 

Then comes my desire to make the latter years of my life a kind of crescendo of personal growth, letting go of grudges align naturally with that effort. Many discover that gratitude and resentment compete for the same mental space. 

The more deeply one appreciates the gifts, lessons, and relationships that have formed one's life, the harder it becomes to remain preoccupied with old grievances. That does not mean becoming naïve or passive. It means choosing which experiences deserve continued residence in your mind. 

In the next blog I’ll propose a step by step process to prepare that change and give it a solid chance to succeed!