So hard to keep in touch!

If there’s a person who knows a few things about keeping the contact going with old friends and relatives in spite of distance, time, embarrassment and other weird considerations, I must be the one. It’s a subject I know very well for having practiced it over an extended period of time, say, almost half a century! It’s a subtle art of mixing vulnerability, specific intentions, enough forgiveness not to mention a good sense of humor to keep it light. 

This is a short overview of how I’m doing it. It start with reaching-out intentionally. I see something very specific, I think of a friend and say to myself “Robert would love seeing that” and I quickly pass it on to him. It’s also often over special occasions like birthdays or reminiscences of all kinds, or even a random “do-you-remember” day, all these are great excuses to break the silence. 

I keep it warm and simple and my message goes right to the heart of that person. I don’t hesitate either to acknowledge my interminable “news black-out”, instead of avoiding it. I don’t have to apologize as one sincere nod to the time-gap is enough. Most of all, I focus on overcoming embarrassment or “weirdness” factors to address any awkward event that might have happened in the past, like anger, misunderstood feelings or drifting away and just acknowledge with gracious and appropriate humor. 

After a relationship is reignited, I let consistency rebuild it, not intensity as it should redevelop organically. In most cases the “glue” I use is shared interests or memories, things I cared about and shared with that person. Finally, I’m not afraid to challenge my vulnerability by saying why I’m reaching out: Whether it’s nostalgia, needing support, or curiosity, honesty builds bridges and clears up the messiness of the process: “I wasn’t sure how to reach out, but I didn’t want to lose touch!” 

Remember, staying in touch is one the best preventive medicine available to all of us and if you value relationships and want to rekindle old ones, try to follow these steps. At the very least, give it a try!