Envying the non-envious

I wished Envy didn’t exist so I wouldn’t have to envy those who are not harboring that mostly negative feeling. But first, let’s be clear as to what we’re talking about; envy isn’t quite the same as its first cousin jealousy. 

Envy has to do with what individuals feel they miss in a vast variety of situations. Jealousy on the other hand, is relationship driven and deals with the fear of precisely losing a relationship, so today we’ll focus solely on envy. 

Typically, envy is an emotion that occurs when someone wants something another person has, whether it’s a material possession or perceived success, stature or just appearance. Infamous for being one of our seven deadly sins, envy is a complex emotional experience that can consist of many elements: longing, feelings of inferiority, ill-will toward an envied person, resentment, and guilt. 

When a person becomes envious, it’s often caused by some degree of self-dissatisfaction. For instance, when an individual believes that having what another person has would increase their own happiness. It could also include a wish that the other person did not have the envied object or quality. Envy develops when we compare ourselves to others and just feel inferior.

While this process is a natural one, it will invariably cause pain and uneasiness, and be an indicator of lower self-esteem or lacking the object of that envy. Modern social media is exploiting the feelings of envy on such platforms as Facebook and Instagram that often trigger envy from those who might not experienced the same degree of success or happiness as those portrayed on line, leading to depression and pain. 

To add to the complexity of that feeling, many folks are reluctant to admit their envy, because this emotion is often seen as socially unacceptable. But like all human emotions, envy is a natural and common experience. That said, if envy doesn’t seem to be a desirable feeling, it might in some instances offer some positive aspects. 

That’s true when envy is motivating, and drives someone to achieve and reach out for more. It can help in the pursuit of a degree or a career. Researchers also believe envy may have an evolutionary purpose, as it makes people want and ultimately strive to obtain the resources they need. If that trait really messes up with our lives, therapy or self-help might be necessary. We’ll try to see what options are available in an upcoming blog. 

In the meantime, do your best to positively channel that double-edged feeling!