Real tools for persuasion (Part One)

During my lifetime, and probably because I was in sales most of my professional career, I’ve been confronted many times by the burning need for convincing others, and by mastering the process of persuasion with various outcomes that rarely turned one hundred percent in my favor. It’s true that we all learn an awful lot on the job, through trial and error. 

As years have passed and I am now retired and far less involved with negotiating, I often wonder where research and thinking are headed these days to define the best practices in terms of seizing and controlling that elusive element? At first sight, my interrogation could have revolved around the quintessential question "How to become more persuasive?" but this was not quite the avenue I was truly pursuing and the result I was looking for.

I’ve been in fact asking whether the need to persuade itself can be understood, managed, and perhaps transformed into something much more powerful and efficient than what I used to do. That elusive element I’m trying to describe is in fact influence—the ability to move another person's thinking or behavior, when we have no direct control over them. 

As we can all imagine, there has been enormous research and findings on this topic, but one of the most interesting conclusions is that influence is not primarily about having the best argument, as I often found out. This has forced me to research the subject a little bit more and I found that the key to that question is about understanding what happens inside the other person between hearing our argument and deciding what to do about it. 

Unlike what we first assume, the first obstacle is rarely logical and simplistic, like in the following succession of events: I present some compelling facts, then the individual understands them, in turn they agree and then they execute. In reality, human beings don't work that way very reliably, instead they filter information through identity, emotion, prior experience, self-interest, trust and—perhaps most importantly—their desire to maintain their autonomy. 

Let me clarify, if someone feels that you are trying to make them agree with you, a curious thing is likely to happen: they become more resistant precisely because they feel their freedom is being threatened. In our upcoming blog we’ll look at alternative strategies for convincing others...