Say unpleasant things to hear, nicely…

My old street neighbor has the terrible habit of throwing his snow into the street instead of shoveling it somewhere on his property. This, to me, has always been a matter of basic common sense, but it’s also illegal anywhere in Park City and in our entire county, as well as in any place where there snow in winter. 

The other day, when we saw him shoveling the bank left by the snowplow into the middle of the street. I asked him what he was doing and he said: “I’m getting rid of it” I said, “Not really, you’re merely displacing it…” He still didn’t not understand that what he was doing was senseless. He simply added, “In Sun Valley [Idaho] they let you do that and then later they collect it…” I verified when I got home and this couldn’t be further from the truth, it’s illegal there too. 

At no point did I dare telling that 79 years old man that this practice was illegal and frowned upon by all moderately smart folks. This short story is to say that it’s often tricky to deliver a difficult messages in ways that's both honest and considerate. 

I’ve done some research on ways to be able to say nicely, things that are hard for some to hear. Ways like trying to focus on the behavior, not the person. Instead of attacking my neighbor’s character, I’ll focus on his action and how it may cause difficulties to pedestrians and cars, how it sets a bad example for people living on the same bloc, not too mention the fact that it negates the purpose of plowing the street in the first place. 

To keep the conversation productive. I should also use "I" statements instead of “you”, that way I express how the behavior is affecting me, rather than making accusations. I should also make sure to convey empathy and understanding by acknowledging that my neighbor might have his own reasons for acting in that manner and then explain how counter-productive these reasons are. 

Offering solutions instead of just pointing out the problem is equally as important, like, “Why don’t you store that snow one either sides of your driveway?”. Finally I must be smart enough pick the right moment and circumstances to intervene, remain respectful at all times and find a creative way to end my remarks on a positive note, like “Your neighbors will be impressed that you aren’t spilling your snow all over and keeping the street clean”. 

Now, I need to remember all this and if I’m patient enough, I might solve that little irritant.