Envious or Jealous? (Part Three)

Often Jealousy is confused with Envy. I like to call them “cousins”, as they’re closely related emotions because they both stem from discomfort and insecurity. Yet, they’re distinct, Envy involves desiring what someone else has, while Jealousy involves the fear of losing what we already have to someone else. In fact Envy is the pain we feel when someone else has something we want. 

For instance, I’ve been envious all winter long of the great snow my friends enjoyed in the Alps while we a terrible lack of snow in the North American Rockies. Envy is about desire and comparison, not loss. It can be about talent, beauty, freedom, relationships, lifestyle, opportunities and of course, fantastic skiing! Envy is fundamentally one‑to‑one: we want something someone else possesses. 

On the other hand, as we’ve already discussed, Jealousy is the fear of losing something we already have to someone. Jealousy is about threat, not desire. Envy is “I want what you have” and Jealousy is “I fear losing what I have.” This distinction is ancient, shows up across cultures and languages and suggests the hidden engine moving consumerism..

As a feeling, Envy pulls our attention toward the other person, creates longing, comparison, self‑evaluation and can motivate growth or trigger shame. Jealousy pulls our attention toward some kind of threat, creating vigilance, protectiveness, insecurity, it also can strengthen bonds or create conflict. Both feelings activate different psychological systems. 

Envy means aspiration and comparison, while jealousy is linked to attachments and the resulting threat to them. If you feel envy, the question this brings up is: “What desire in me is being awakened?” Like with Jealousy, Envy becomes a map, not a moral judgment. While both feelings can be constructive if managed well, envy and jealousy are not identical, making envy more likely to be considered a flaw than jealousy. 

Both function as important signals for unfulfilled desires rather than inherent moral failings, but envy is more frequently linked to undesirable, negative and destructive behaviors. I hope my explanation didn’t make you envious and stopped jealousy on its tracks!