A cheaper way to fly

In these days of financial crisis, if you don’t mind being cramped for a while, feeling extremely cold, if you have good lungs, own warm clothing, some specialized equipment, travel without luggage and are willing to forgo mileage credits, you might want to consider doing all of your air travel as a stowaway, tucked into the landing gear well of the airplane that will take you from your closest airport your final destination. I have researched this mode of transportation extensively and have found that, if you own the necessary gear, it’s by far one of the best values in the travel market. Of course, you should be mindful of local regulations as this mode of transportation might not legal everywhere. Start by choosing a trip that is not too long, like an eighteen hour Mumbai to Atlanta flight; you could get so cold that you might drop like an icicle as soon as the plane it on its final approach and drops its landing gear. Instead, pick shorter flights and unless you take supplementary oxygen with you, stay well under a ten hour flight time. It’s always a good idea to pick a large enough airplane; I personally recommend the Boeing 777 as it has the largest landing gear in the business, a six-wheeler on either sides, that requires a super sized well making it easier to nest and far less dangerous when the doors close and the whole wheels and struts assembly collapses inside. It goes without saying that short of getting a detailed sketch of the interior space from the company that has designed the plane, you should visually inspect the space and visualize the safe, empty volume where you’d tuck prior to taking off. If you want to survive your trip, it’s critical to dress warmly as if you were going to ski in New England at sub-zero temperatures. Don’t skimp on the number of layers, put after-ski boots, ski hat, goggles and gloves on. I know, you might look weird if you board in Miami in that attire, but it always beats arriving frozen-stiff. Include a “Camelback” filled with water that you’ll wear under your parka and just pack a bag of granola for snacks. If you don’t mind a carry-on and the extra weight, I strongly recommend bringing along one or two bottles of oxygen plus a mask; these will come in handy on the longer flights. Do not take sleeping pills as you might find yourself sound asleep at arrival time, which is never a good idea, as you don’t want to deplane before the aircraft touches the runway. It’s always a good idea to bring along a pair of nylon straps and if possible a harness to secure yourself to some fixed hardware inside the wheel well (do not attach it to the struts or the wheels!) If you follow my instructions, you’ll find that the hardest part of the journey is to get in and out of the tarmac, through the chain-link fence. Gee! I almost forgot to tell you to bring along a pair of wire-cutters… Now that you’ve got all the information, enjoy your low cost trip!