Where to house the Guantanamo detainees...

In order to fulfill Barack Obama's promise to shut down “Gitmo” by the end of the year, we must find a place to house the prisoners. Obviously, no one want this guys with their orange outfits in their backyards, and as the debate goes on, nothing gets done. Always eager to come up with a solution for every earthly problem, I found one. We'll bring them to the Rocky Mountains and house them in those big mansions that seat empty for most of the year and that realtors seem totally unable to sell. After years away from the rugged Afghanistan countryside, they'll be finally back in the kind of mountains they love and away from the huge, black cockroaches that can be seen all over the chain-link fences.

Here, they'll finally positively participate into our community; we'll give them a crash course in sliding up an down the mountains and use them as lifties during the day and, to literally channel and cool their “moudjahidin ” drive, we'll ask them make snow in the middle of the night. Instead of costing the taxpayers between $400,000 to $520,000 each, these tough guys would finally earn their keep, be given brooms and snow shovels instead of AK-47 to work on maintenance all year round. They would also receive some new atire, used one-piece suits by Bogner, Descente or Spyder - please, no dayglow patches! - for winter, khaki shorts and blue golf shirts the rest of year . Of course, when they'll hear about my idea, every ski resort from Aspen to Zermatt will wants its share of the 226 inmates left in Cuba, but Park City will take most of them; given the way this season is shaping up, we could use the publicity!