Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Off the record: Karzai and Obama

Here's what really happened yesterday; at any rate this is what should have happened...

Obama: Hello, Mr Karzai, I wanted to go on record to congratulate you on your second term...
Karzai: Thank you very much Mr President, but what do you mean “on record?”
Obama: Well, Hamid, that means that I'm now going to tell you a few things “off the record.”
Karzai: ? Silence
Obama: For the past five years, you haven't done anything but lined up your pockets and those of your entire family and I seriously hope that these next five years will be vastly different...
Karzai: It was really hard Mr Obama, none of the institutions I set up worked as they should have; it takes time, Afghanistan is not America, you know.
Obama: That I certainly know, but where I fault you is for not trying hard enough; instead of royally sporting your coat and your smart hat, you should have rolled up your sleeves, said no to pocketing bribes and refrain from siphoning most of our aid money for your own personal needs. You also have created a power vacuum for the Talibans to return with a vengeance and if that wasn't enough you had the guts to rig this last election so you'd enjoy another five years of absolute power...
Karzai: I beg your pardon, but the Talibans are a force to be reckoned with and their return is truly Pakistan's fault...
Obama: I don't care if it were Monaco's fault, you dropped the ball Hamid, and let me just tell you that if you don't clean up your act very soon you'll be left alone to deal with the Talibans and their thugs.
Karzai: What do you mean?
Obama: I mean that we're going to leave Afghanistan if you don't show resolve and start working on bringing order and rule of law to your country; as simple as that. I'm tired of seeing our young men and women die while you twiddle your thumbs and could certainly use the billions we're pouring into your country at home. Now, I won't give you specific goals, but if things haven't changed dramatically my the end of May, we're out of there! Got it? Have a good day, Mr Karzai!

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